Do you remember the days when you'd go out? And before you knew it you were "out out"? I can remember a day spent Christmas shopping in Lincoln. Husbandfriend and I were walking back to our flat, laden with shopping bags. We saw a friend standing in front of that grand ol' British institution: the Australian themed Walkabout (see, ridiculous eatery places are not just the domain of America and the bloomin' onion courtesy of the Outback).
"Hey, where you going? Home? NAH. Stay out and get pissed!"
Husbandfriend and I looked at each other, contemplated for half a second about whether we should stay or go.
"OK!"
7 hours later we're pissed in a Varsity doing those weird test tube shots.
The very idea of being out and then all of sudden being out out with a baby is laughable because I can barely get out in the first place. Plus I think it's frowned upon to take a baby out drinking.
Last night when I went out for a meal and some drinks with the other moms in my NCT group sans babies, it struck me just how much different it is getting ready for a night out.
1. Get bottles sanitized and ready for baby's dinner.
2. Lay out baby's pajamas.
3. Set up seat and towel for baby's bath time.
4. Ask husband for the 100th time if he'll definitely, for sure, be OK and if there are any problems you will call me right?
5. Look at baby with equal parts dread/can'twaittogetthefuckouttahereandgetsomewine
6. Shit, it's 30 minutes until my ride is here!
7. Tear closet apart looking for something to wear.
8. Begin to rage that you look like a fat sausage trying to escape it's casing.
9. Try on 4 different outfits.
10. Decide to give the girls a bit of support and wear an underwire bra. Immediately regret this decision but have no time to change.
11. Settle on pre-baby jeans because they kind of fit. Mommy muffin top + strategically layered top = some semblance of self-confidence due to smoke and mirrors.
12. Slap on some slap.
13. Ride's here! Say a reluctant bye to baby and husband before getting in to car.
14. Immediately feel the joy of sweet, sweet freedom. Contemplate never going home.
15. Head to sensible pub for sensible drink before food.
16. Forget you haven't been out properly in about 3494 months and get slightly pissed off two drinks.
17. After everyone has arrived and more drinks ordered, decide that we need to stop talking about our babies.
17a. Check phone for any messages from home.
18. Quiet descends as everyone wonders if we actually have nothing in common apart from our babies.
19. Carry on drinking - we have plenty to talk about!
19a. Check phone for any messages from home.
20. Volume of party raises from gentle clucking to loud squawking. Feel like you've never had so much fun, ever.
21. Remember that you actually have to go to dinner now.
21a. Check phone for any messages from home.
22. Terrorize the quiet, almost empty restaurant. Sorry for the other patrons and owners but we're parents and we gotta get the drinks in quick!
23. After eating, begin to feel tired and horrified. It's only 9:30 I can't be tired I use to stay up until 4am off my face before stuffing my face with a kebab!
24. Find second wind when you remember you're a goddamn champ at functioning on little to no sleep and staying up late should be no thang.
25. BRING ME A BOTTLE OF PROSECCO GARCON, DAMN THE SHORTAGE.
26. Immediately regret the bottle of Prosecco. Realize that you do have actually have to function and take care of a baby in the morning. Also, boobs = ouch.
27. Head home at a sensible time, sensibly drink a pint of water with two paracetamol.
28. Fall into bed. Ahhhhh can't wait to sleep that deep sleep that comes from having a few.
29. Baby wakes up. Sigh.
"Hey, where you going? Home? NAH. Stay out and get pissed!"
Husbandfriend and I looked at each other, contemplated for half a second about whether we should stay or go.
"OK!"
7 hours later we're pissed in a Varsity doing those weird test tube shots.
 |
| It's all fun and games until you drink something glow in the dark. image via www.halloweenforum.com |
The very idea of being out and then all of sudden being out out with a baby is laughable because I can barely get out in the first place. Plus I think it's frowned upon to take a baby out drinking.
Last night when I went out for a meal and some drinks with the other moms in my NCT group sans babies, it struck me just how much different it is getting ready for a night out.
1. Get bottles sanitized and ready for baby's dinner.
2. Lay out baby's pajamas.
3. Set up seat and towel for baby's bath time.
4. Ask husband for the 100th time if he'll definitely, for sure, be OK and if there are any problems you will call me right?
5. Look at baby with equal parts dread/can'twaittogetthefuckouttahereandgetsomewine
6. Shit, it's 30 minutes until my ride is here!
7. Tear closet apart looking for something to wear.
8. Begin to rage that you look like a fat sausage trying to escape it's casing.
9. Try on 4 different outfits.
10. Decide to give the girls a bit of support and wear an underwire bra. Immediately regret this decision but have no time to change.
11. Settle on pre-baby jeans because they kind of fit. Mommy muffin top + strategically layered top = some semblance of self-confidence due to smoke and mirrors.
12. Slap on some slap.
13. Ride's here! Say a reluctant bye to baby and husband before getting in to car.
14. Immediately feel the joy of sweet, sweet freedom. Contemplate never going home.
15. Head to sensible pub for sensible drink before food.
16. Forget you haven't been out properly in about 3494 months and get slightly pissed off two drinks.
17. After everyone has arrived and more drinks ordered, decide that we need to stop talking about our babies.
17a. Check phone for any messages from home.
18. Quiet descends as everyone wonders if we actually have nothing in common apart from our babies.
19. Carry on drinking - we have plenty to talk about!
19a. Check phone for any messages from home.
20. Volume of party raises from gentle clucking to loud squawking. Feel like you've never had so much fun, ever.
21. Remember that you actually have to go to dinner now.
21a. Check phone for any messages from home.
22. Terrorize the quiet, almost empty restaurant. Sorry for the other patrons and owners but we're parents and we gotta get the drinks in quick!
23. After eating, begin to feel tired and horrified. It's only 9:30 I can't be tired I use to stay up until 4am off my face before stuffing my face with a kebab!
24. Find second wind when you remember you're a goddamn champ at functioning on little to no sleep and staying up late should be no thang.
25. BRING ME A BOTTLE OF PROSECCO GARCON, DAMN THE SHORTAGE.
26. Immediately regret the bottle of Prosecco. Realize that you do have actually have to function and take care of a baby in the morning. Also, boobs = ouch.
27. Head home at a sensible time, sensibly drink a pint of water with two paracetamol.
28. Fall into bed. Ahhhhh can't wait to sleep that deep sleep that comes from having a few.
29. Baby wakes up. Sigh.
